As our parents get older, many of us step into new roles: part chauffeur, part medication manager, part tech support (“Mom, that’s not how FaceTime works…”). For many families, one adult child ends up doing most of the heavy lifting—taking Mom to doctor’s visits, helping Dad sort through the mail, or even coordinating with attorneys. It’s a natural, often loving transition. Sometimes, families even choose to thank this helper with a larger inheritance.
But (and here comes the tricky part)—how can you tell the difference between a devoted caregiver and someone who’s crossing into manipulation?
Let’s walk through it—no drama, just clarity.
Who’s Most Vulnerable to Elder Financial Abuse?
As people live longer—often into their 80s, 90s, and beyond—elder abuse is unfortunately on the rise. It can take many forms, but today we’re focusing on financial exploitation, which makes up nearly half of all elder abuse cases.
This includes things like:
- Misusing a power of attorney, Tricking someone into changing their will or trust, “Borrowing” money that never gets repaid, Or even just helping yourself to the cookie jar (aka Grandma’s checking account)
Some older adults are especially at risk, including those who:
- Need help with daily activities like cooking, cleaning, or paying bills, Are grieving a recent loss, Don’t get many visitors, Feel isolated, anxious, or depressed, Are overly trusting (think: still believe email scams), Don’t know much about their finances, especially if a late spouse always handled money
Even someone who started out with the best intentions can find themselves justifying little “extras”—a new TV, a “gifted” car, or access to bank accounts—because “they owe me,” or “I’m just doing what’s fair.”
Warning Signs: Red Flags on the Road to Exploitation
Here are some clues that a caregiver may be doing more than just caregiving:
- Cash or valuables are mysteriously missing, Sudden changes to bank accounts or credit cards, A new name on the will (surprise!) Take a look at this article I wrote a number of years ago: www.jakoblegal.com/understanding-the-four-cs-of-elder-law-ethics/, The caregiver is now listed as a joint account holder or gets money when the elder passes, Bills go unpaid, despite plenty of funds, The elder seems confused, anxious—or less interested in their usual hobbies, Visitors or calls are blocked or discouraged (aka “gatekeeping”), If it feels like the elder is living under a “bubble of control,” it might be time to dig deeper.
How to Keep Things Safe and Sane
No one wants to imagine a loved one being taken advantage of, especially by another loved one. But the good news is, a little planning goes a long way. Here’s what you can do:
- Keep financial matters transparent—multiple eyes mean fewer secrets., Consider professional help: financial planners, elder law attorneys, or geriatric care managers. Encourage community connection—regular social contact can be a great buffer. Put safe structures in place: power of attorney, automatic bill pay, or even a well-crafted trust.
If you want help setting this up—or if you’re seeing red flags and don’t know what to do—we’re here. It’s never too early to plan ahead, and it’s never too late to protect someone you love. Let’s make sure Mom’s legacy (and china set) is in good hands.
